wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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