i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
