She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
