Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
