A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
