Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
