In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
