i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
