I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We need a shit load of segways right now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
