Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's the barista slut.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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