I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
cat food counts as protein by the way
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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