I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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