I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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