and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
