i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
