Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
did i just pee glitter
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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