If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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