Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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