I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
