someone get that fucking seahorse.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
