I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
