So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
