Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
