i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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