Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
