sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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