Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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