I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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