You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
