he wants to bone in the snuggie
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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