New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
