So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
