did you get engaged???
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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