I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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