Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
