you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
