3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
