I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can text with my tongue
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
