No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
