K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
