did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
