so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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