Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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