the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
