i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
