when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
