I love black thongs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Found the puke drawer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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