Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want her autograph on my taint
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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