genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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