Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
