the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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