we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
