there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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